My Pad, My Secret: Exploring the Emotional Labour of Managing Periods in Joint Families

It was a humid July afternoon in Surat. I was 13, and my period had arrived unannounced at my aunt's place, where our extended family had gathered for my cousin's engagement. Panic flooded me as I realized I didn’t have a pad, and asking for one felt like committing a crime. Itiptoed to my mother, whispering my emergency while dodging stares from the older women in the hall. Her eyes widened—not because I had my period, but because of where I had it.

That’s the emotional labour of bleeding in a joint family in India.

The Silent Burden of Secrecy

Periods are not just a physical experience. For many women in Indian joint families, they are
wrapped in layers of secrecy, shame, and exhaustion. While the world pushes for menstrual
equity and open conversations, within the walls of a joint household, menstruation often remainsa whisper—a secret every woman must carry without disrupting the "family harmony.

Studies by the UNICEF India indicate that nearly 71% of adolescent girls in India have no
knowledge of menstruation before their first period. In joint families, where intergenerational and gender dynamics are rigid, even this first conversation becomes emotionally heavy.

Shared Spaces, No Privacy

Managing periods in a household with multiple generations, often under one roof, means shared bathrooms, collective laundry, and a constant pressure to appear “normal.” Disposing of a pad becomes a covert operation. One woman we interviewed for this piece, Rachana, shared: "I’ve wrapped used pads in layers of newspaper and hidden them in my dupatta until I could sneak them into the bin outside the house. The fear of someone finding it was terrifying."

And this isn’t uncommon. In joint families where male elders are considered custodians of tradition, even a visible stain can feel like a catastrophe. "It’s not just about the pad," says Sneha, a 28-year-old from Varanasi. "It’s the pressure to cook, clean, smile, and serve during family events—while pretending your uterus isn’t screaming."

Cultural Expectations & Invisible Rules

In many Indian homes, menstruating women are considered "impure." The rules are never written, but they’re followed with religious precision: don’t touch the pickle, don’t enter the kitchen, sleep separately, and most importantly, don’t let the men know. These expectations aren’t just about faith—they’re about control. Control over the female body, its rhythms, and its expressions. What starts as a tradition often turns into a silent rulebook that women are expected to obey without resistance. And when no one questions these customs, they quietly shape how generations of women see their own bodies—not as natural, but as something to hide.

The Emotional Load

It’s not just the logistical juggling that tires women out—it’s the emotional tightrope. The fear of leaking, the panic of being caught resting, the guilt of skipping chores, and the shame of asking for a pad in a house full of people.

One Flawsome community member wrote: “Every month, I feel like I’m hiding a crime. I have to wear a mask of energy, smile through the cramps, and never let my father-in-law or brother-in-law know that I’m bleeding.”

Small Wins, Silent Revolutions

But things are shifting, even if slowly.

Some younger women in joint families are now challenging the silence. They’re leaving pads in common bathrooms, asking male members to buy sanitary products, and speaking openly to younger cousins. These acts may seem small—but they are revolutions in their own right.

Meera, 25, from Pune, shared: "One day, I was in too much pain to pretend. I told my
Mother-in-law I needed rest because I had my period. She didn’t say anything—but she didn’t object either. That silence was a crack in the wall."

What Needs to Change?

1.Conversations from a Young Age: Normalizing period talk with boys and girls in the family.
2. Inclusive Bathroom Spaces: Pads and dustbins in all bathrooms without fear.
3. Unlearning Shame: Older women play a crucial role in reshaping period narratives for the next generation.
4. Supportive Ecosystems: Encouraging rest without guilt. Cramps deserve compassion—not criticism. 

At Flawsome, we believe periods are powerful—not shameful. The stories women carry in silence deserve a space to be heard. Whether you bleed in a high-rise flat or a 12-member household, your pain, your pad, and your experience are valid.

Let’s keep talking. Let’s keep shedding shame.
Let’s make sure no one ever has to whisper, “Mummy, I got my period” again

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